Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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