I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
