I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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