i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
