it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
