Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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