How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
