I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
