at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
