It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
