our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
