On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
