I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
