Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
