mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
