he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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