I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
