did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
