I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
