My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
