Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
