theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
