Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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