I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
