somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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