i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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