u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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