kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
