Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
is that a dick in a sweater?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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