ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
