I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
