Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
and she was petting her beer can
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
