Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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