Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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