mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
