I want to have your abortion
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
