I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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