ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
