You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
