he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
