god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
they need to just BURY HIM!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
