I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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