Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
