I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
