Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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