i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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