Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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