i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
