I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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