You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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