please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
