his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
