Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
