So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
