Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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